Saying “shh!” to self-doubt

"American Idol," bullying, negative self-talk — we chat with Casey McQuillen about it all.

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IN a nutshell If you've ever been on the receiving end of bullying, you know it's a terrible feeling. As someone who was bullied in middle school and whose writing receives harsh criticism from readers on the internet, I know the feeling all too well. That's why I'm excited about today's interview with anti-bullying advocate and "American Idol" contestant Casey McQuillen. She gave us the scoop about her experience on the show, singing, being bullied as a kid, and navigating the mental health effects of all of the above. There's a lot to learn from and relate to in this Q&A, so keep reading. Today, we're also talking about: • a guide for silencing negative thoughts • a wearable that can track stress levels • more of the health stories you need Be well, Morgan Mandriota Newsletter Editor, Healthline

Written by Morgan Mandriota September 30, 2022 • 9 min read

To an outsider looking in, Casey McQuillen appears to have it all: She competed on season 13 of "American Idol" and has a flourishing singing career. Despite her success, she still lives with negative self-talk and a nagging sense of self-doubt, which she attributes to the bullying she experienced in middle school. I'm sure a lot of us can relate to this feeling. (I know I do.) In this Q&A with Healthline Media's Gabe Howard*, McQuillen shares how her mental health intertwines with her music, the pain and pressure of being on a reality show, and how she uses her voice to advocate against bullying. Read our favorite clips from their chat below. *This interview has been edited for length and clarity. Q: "American Idol" absolutely helped your career, but many people feel that reality shows foster bullying. I'm curious: Is this criticism fair? A: The issue with social media and the way that it connects us is, all of a sudden, we have opinions on thousands of people. When I get a comment on my YouTube that's like, "Wow, she looks really fat" or something, my little monkey brain reacts. It's very, very difficult to not take things personally. I think social media and reality TV are contributing to our objectification of personhood. Instead of being a person, you're primarily a consumer, an entity, a brand. And this is for everyone, not just people in the public eye. It's like the transition between critiquing objects and critiquing people is so blurred. And I think that is influenced by social media and reality TV. But I [also] think it's more like the world is changing and our brains are staying the same. How do we deal with a monkey brain when we don't live in a monkey society anymore? Q: What made you personally want to incorporate anti-bullying into your advocacy? A: I was picked on in the way that kids get picked on in Disney movies. [You might think] no one shoots spitballs at [someone] while giving a student council presentation and trips you in the hallway. [But] that was the kind of bullying I had. For me, the lasting effect of being bullied was an internal dialogue of self-doubt. The chorus in my head about the critique of my appearance has not gone away since I was 13 years old and is, of course, influenced now by having anxiety disorder. My goal by going into schools and talking to kids is to add some empathy in a very egocentric time of your life. By going in and being a positive role model and being funny and loud and happy and joyful, it rewrites the story a little bit. I hope if they can see themselves in relationship to me and myself 15 years later after all the work that I've done to try to recover, it might help them resist that negative internal dialogue that their brains are currently wiring. Q: I love what you said about that negative internal dialogue because it's ever-present. Is that what it felt like for you? A: I definitely have that experience of active negative talk, like an actual voice in my head that says unkind things to me where I'll be looking in the mirror and I'll be like, "You look disgusting." And then I have the tools to be like, "Wait a second. That's a really unkind thing that just popped into my head. I would never think that about anyone else. Where is this coming from?" And you can go through and begin to deconstruct. If you develop seeing yourself through a negative mindset — and I think a lot of that has to do with what's reinforced to us as children — it can push you on a different river than you would have gone down, because you don't know where you could have ended up if you had believed in yourself. I think for me that's been one of the most challenging aspects of growing up and being in therapy. What character have I written for myself in the story of my life, and how is that influencing the choices that I make in the opportunities I'm even allowing myself to see? Q: I think that it's super powerful that you have this idea in your head that it might not be true. A: That's the issue with bullying, right? The things that are negative are the things that reaffirm the negative self-talk we have in our own head. That's why I focus my anti-bullying program on your relationship with yourself, because you can't really control what other people say to you. Q: There's a song on your debut album, "Skinny," called "Can a Heart Go Bad?" It focuses on anxiety and depression. What was it like writing that song? What was it like making the album "Skinny"? A: I have two songs on my album that deal with mental health. The first one is called "Skinny," and it deals with my relationship with body dysmorphia. The song "Can a Heart Go Bad?" is a little more complex. I wrote this song not just about my anxiety disorder, but I wrote this song about what it was like to have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder as a child. If you listen to it, the lyrics start with, "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean it, but I can't take it back. Are you angry? I really hate it when you look at me like that." And it's from the perspective of a child — the guilt after panic attacks, and the look of disappointment in my parents' faces, and the belief that there must be something wrong with me … "If I keep doing this, I must be bad." This is my little 8-year-old logic. And so, the phrase "Can a heart go bad?" is the question that the narrator is asking over and over. This song is me as an adult going back in and asking for the help I couldn't ask for as a child — the words I didn't have. Listen to the full interview here.

great finds Products we love       ''Don't Feed the Monkey Mind: How to Stop the Cycle of Anxiety, Fear, and Worry'' Casey McQuillen, I, and other folks with anxious brains know about ''the monkey mind'' all too well. (If you don't, it's the nonstop overthinking and chattering of worries, fears, and anxious thoughts bouncing around your head.) In this book co-created with mental health experts, psychotherapist Jennifer Shannon explains how to break that cycle, silence the monkey mind, and find mental peace. Shannon provides effective therapy practices, like cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, and mindfulness techniques to keep anxious thoughts from bubbling over. The book is also full of fun illustrations, exercises, and anecdotes. If you want to manage your anxious thoughts to feel more in control and live a healthier, happier life, consider grabbing this helpful workbook. Shop now

Weird Science This new wearable will be able to track your stress levels If left unmanaged, constant stress can lead to heart disease, a weakened immune system, depression, and even chronic pain. That's one (important!) reason to pay attention to the signs you're under high stress. Thanks to a new high-tech wearable from NOWATCH and technology brand Philips dropping this fall, you can easily watch your stress levels in real time. Why is this option potentially more useful than your current smartwatch or stress wearable? NOWATCH's "awareable" more accurately measures and predicts stress through electrodermal activity sensors that can read cortisol levels through your skin. It also tracks other factors like heart and breathing rate, temperature, movement, and sleep activity to give you a more comprehensive reading of how stimulated you are throughout the day and night. And it doesn't stop there. Based on your health reports, the app recommends ways to feel better and stress less going forward. If you're looking for a new stress management tool, keep your eyes peeled for the official launch of this new wearable by NOWATCH. We're not sure how much it'll cost, but it could be a smart investment if you're super health-conscious (or super stressed out). In the meantime, you can try out these 15 simple ways to relieve stress.

health stories you need What we're reading next Would you buy skin products from Brad Pitt? The actor recently dropped a genderless skin care line featuring ingredients that promise to slow aging. Here's what our experts think about its effectiveness and value for the price. A $126 million brain health project is underway. The Salk Institute is mapping the aging human brain on a cellular level. This could be huge for Alzheimer's disease research. The connection between caffeine and migraine. The seasons are a'changing, which can trigger headaches and migraine attacks. Drinking coffee or popping a caffeinated pain reliever like Excedrin is known to help ease symptoms, but why? Learn the link here.

Thanks for reading! Email us at wellnesswire@healthline.com to share how you deal with self-doubt, or to comment on any of the stories we've sent you this week. Have a great weekend, and we'll see you on Monday!

Until next time, Take care of yourself, and we'll see you again soon!     This edition was powered by the pep talks we gave ourselves after reading this Q&A.   View in browser Did a friend send you this email? Subscribe here. To see all newsletters, click here. Privacy    |    Unsubscribe © 2022 Healthline Media 1423 Red Ventures Drive, Fort Mill, SC 29707